Category: Stories

Parodies By: Julia Graham

Parodies By: Julia Graham.


Happy Birthday Joshua

Josh - Copy

July 21, 1978, was a special day that changed my life forever. Joshua Emerson Graham was born. He was my first born and the trail blazer for the two siblings to follow.

He captured his father’s heart when he was 2 days old. Bill was changing his diaper and Josh peed in his daddy’s mouth while he was talking non sense to his infant son! That sealed the deal!

Josh taught mom that the bathroom always looks much better covered in toilet paper and why put tooth brushes in a holder when the toilet was a much better place! Pots and pans were more functional in the middle of the kitchen floor!

He was a precocious little boy who questioned everything and never was shy. He was always in the thick of things and entertained us all playing his toy guitar at family gatherings as the family singed along.

Josh would strap on his guitar, turn on the tape player to Charlie Daniels, Fire on the Mountain, and he would call out to his imaginary friend, “Hit it Gracie” and together they would put on a concert.

I started getting gray hair his teenage years! Josh get back in your room! I swear Bill and I were going to nail his bedroom window shut! He loved to pull one over on Bill and me. In fact, I think he made it a quest!

Now our Josh is a man, with a family of his own. A beautiful wife and two daughters and he is one “mind blowing’ guitar player!

Happy Birthday, my beautiful son!

Rough Patch


Some of my faithful readers have expressed concern that I have stopped writing and although I will never understand why my writing would be that interesting I am touched by your kindness.

My reason for not writing is that I am going through a rough patch with my health but my wise-cracking son said, “Well write about being sick.”

So what lovely adjectives can I come up with to describe my delightful journey?

Lately I have felt under the weather, not a hundred percent –more like 45.2%.

My sickening, revolting, stomach-churning, queasiness are “off-putting” and distasteful for my family!

On more than one occasion my loving, supportive family has said to me, “Good Lord, Grandma! Did something crawl up your butt and die!”

Yes, being sick brings out all my finer redeeming qualities that seems to have the effect of liberating me from my family.

Acid Reflux that wonderful backflow of liquid regurgitation of the stomach peptic juices that I affectionately refer to as GERDS Disease is such a delightful condition; why it’s double the pleasure, double the fun!

What the intestines don’t want gets sling shot into your esophagus! Delicious! It makes your mouth-water with that luscious, yummy, delectable- yet spicy explosion of gusto in your chest! Gusto always goes good with Pepto-Bismol!

I am thinking that my next blog will be about if there were ever to be an Olympic Triathlon for 90 years-old that there is a probability that I would be a Bronze Medalist! Definitely a very strong contender for fourth place!

Now at this point you may be wondering what intestinal distress with GERDS has to do with the Olympics?

Absolutely nothing but I am DELIRIOUS!

Deliriously, Calmly Dysfunctional

Donna Faye, CDP

Time Heals


Writing has been so hard lately. Partly is due to my head injury and the other is from being on strong antibiotics that has thrown my body out of sync.

I have learned that with my disability I have to be patient which is one of the hardest lessons I have had to be taught because by nature I am an impatient person.

When my brain feels like it is in a fog there is nothing I can do but be tolerant and understand that in time the murky haze will lift and the words will flow again.

Until that time I am patiently waiting.

Donna Faye, CDP


grandbabies - Copy

Josie and I were watching a movie about a fairy that hung out in a little girl’s garden. Suddenly that fairy came to life to escape an evil warlock!

As we were watching the movie the fairy got sick. Josie asked me what was wrong with the fairy and I told her that something made her sick. Josie’s response, “Oh, cool will the fairy will vomit rainbows!”


Donna Faye, CDP

Saved By Grace My Battle With ARDS

Since I am dealing with the aftermath of ARDS lately I thought it appropriate to reblog my journey . I guess you could say it is an never ending story.

Calmly Dysfunctional

I was traumatized and disoriented as my husband, Bill rushed me to the emergency room in Greeneville TN, on Friday, October 9, 2009. I was too weak to talk, could barely walk, and It was very difficult to breathe.

My diagnosis was double pneumonia, early stages of kidney failure, and possible blood clots.

Laughlin’s Memorial Hospital admitted me into ICU, however, by Sunday, my body was sepsis and I was dying.

Family members that had already passed away came to visit me. They constantly hovered over me and never left me… It was like looking at a picture slideshow.

Bill, my children, and other family members became very concerned when I told them about the dead family members that I could see but I was too far gone to understand their fears.

On Monday, I had a somewhat lucid moment when my doctor managed to get my attention to tell…

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Struggling to Get Back


One of the lingering side effects of Arterial Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) is that when I get sick it saps my strength and it takes longer to snap back.

I hope to be back blogging soon.

Thank you all for your support!

Donna Faye, CDP

How to Out Smart a Smart Phone

Take an automobile, a “smart phone” and a telemarketer from Bombay India and you will have a recipe for disaster!

While driving down the interstate at 70 miles per hour my cell phone rings. I answer my “smart phone” only to find out that a pesky telemarketer wants to sale me something.

Being the polite person that I am – I listened for a few seconds.

Good morning Ms. Gra-ham (this is supposedly how one pronounces Graham in India). I hope you are having a pleasant day.

Yes, thank you very much BUT I am not interested!

But Ms. Gra-ham let me tell you about this wonderful offer!

No, thank you!

But Ms. Gra-ham you do not want to miss out on this wonderful opportunity!

Yes, I do! I really want to miss out!

Mr. Bombay begins to read his script and there was nothing that I could say that would deter him!

Well, if you can’t take no for an answer I can always end the call myself!

I hold the phone out in front of me and with an indignant grunt I attempt to silence the annoying caller from Bombay India!

As I am working to execute this most excellent move the caller was unwavering in his attempt to sale me something…what I don’t know because I stopped listening after hello!

I press the “end call’ icon but the telemarketer is still talking?!

Huh? Why is Mr. Bombay still talking?

Ms. Gra-ham are you there?


A car passes me and blows his car horn at me!

Oh yeah! You try getting off the phone BUSTER!

Ms. Gra-ham please a few minutes of your time!

No, go away!

I am becoming more perturbed by the minute so I begin slapping the “end call” icon while driving and feeling an over-powering need to talk to the motorist that blew his car horn at me! However, I still cannot disconnect the tenacious telemarketer from Bombay India!

I start commanding the phone to HANG UP but my “smart phone” mocked me!

Ms. Gra-ham this is a once in a life time!

I don’t want it! GO AWAY!

Since my “smart phone” is mocking me and I can’t end the call; I am now imploring the telemarketer from Bombay India to HANG UP THE PHONE!

Mr. Bombay please hang up the phone! I do not want to talk to you!

But Ms. Gra-ham!

Hang up!
HaNg uP!

While driving down the road at 70 miles per hour, “smart phone” in hand, and an unrelenting telemarketer from Bombay India!

I did what any normal, rational, person would do who has been pushed to the brink by a “smart phone” that would not hang up… I tossed the phone out the window!

Today, I am feeling quite smug as I replaced my “smart phone” for a much less intelligent phone that will hang up when I press the “end call” icon!

Feeling Slightly Over the Edge,
Donna Faye, CDP

What is in a Word

josie 2

While brushing Josie’s hair today that was a tangled mess. I was discussing with her the value of bruising her hair everyday so it wouldn’t get so tangled.

Josie pipes up and says in a very offended voice, “Grandma you are being raciest!”

I got tickled and I asked Josie if she knew what raciest means?

Josie told me that raciest means you are making fun of somebody’s culture.

I praised Josie for understanding what raciest meant and then I asked her how me talking about combing her hair would be raciest since her hair would be a style not a culture.

Without missing a lick Josie says, “Aw grandma what is in a word!”

Yes indeed what is in a word. I think it is time to teach Josie a new word called…discrimination!


Donna Faye, CDP

Slightly Frazzled

kids fighting

It starts out as a low whine and by increments it steadily progresses to a high-pitched shriek “I’m Gona tell GRANDMA!”

Next I hear feet running across the floor as the siren shrieks to search out where grandma is hiding!

“Grandma, Lee, he, put his butt in my face! He told me he was going to fart in my face!

Lee, yells from his bedroom, “I did not! You, you’re just trying to get me in trouble JOSIE!”

Am not
Are too
Am not
Are too

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, what special misery awaits me today?

I am not even out of bed yet!

There is nothing like waking up in the morning to kids circling my bed screaming over the top of me wanting me to intervene to punish one of the offenders so the other can privately gloat which sets off another string of complaints against the other.

I clamp my pillow over my head to try to muffle out the rivalry between the two beloved children but their thirst for justice will not be abated.

I debate if I should keep my head buried under the pillow until they leave but upon peeking out from under the pillow I see very determined eye balls looking at me so that is not really an option.

Hmm, which one do I throw to the curb so that temporary peace will be restored? Both are guilty of breaking the sound barrier! The assault on my ears should be a felony!

This situation calls for the standard response. It starts out as a low whine and by increments it steadily progresses to a high-pitched shriek “If you can’t get along SEPARATE NOW!”

I am seriously thinking about installing loud speakers in the house that will play the same recording every time a fight breaks…a very loud, annoying sound like fingernails slowly racking across a chalkboard!

Slightly Frazzled,

Donna Faye, CDP

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