Tag Archive: children

Ebb and Flow

When one is a Calmly Dysfunctional Processional such as me…I have learned to adapt and recognize the ebb and flow in the tides of pandemonium!

As I have written before in a blog called “It Might Have Been A Dream.” Every once in a while I slide down the rabbit hole into unreality because the events unfolding seems surreal!

“Pooh and the Hundred Acer Woods” was no help with this uplifting dysfunctional moment but I do know that the “Wise Old Owl” would have most likely hooted a warning!

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!”

Be wary of the holiday mother looking backwards through the looking-glass void of conscience and never accepts blame because the holiday mother is a “Jubjub bird” in disguise!

Suddenly a loud piercing ring echoed through the house and the children scatter as the “Jubjub bird” swoops except for one young child who boldly talks to the strange creature with “eyes aflame!”

The “Jubjbub bird” attempts to lull the young child away by singing a song… but the song was a combination of high pitched caterwauling mingled with low guttural mumbling sounds that made absolutely no sense to the child!

The child though “Mad as a Hatter!” “Mad as a Hatter!” But the child worried!
Would the “Jubjub bird” be “Mad as a Hatter” -at her if she angers the bird by not listening to her song?

Should I peek out of the rabbit hole? No, not yet because it is easier to understand the “Jubjub bird” when clocked in the madness!

When the child flees… the “Jubjub bird” cleverly attempts to appease the “King of Heart” (who protects the child) by telling him that she was only soothing the child by signing a song!

The “King of Hearts” told the “Jubjub bird” that “YOU WOULD NOT KNOW HOW TO SING A SONG IF IT BIT HER ON THE ASS!”

“OH!” “I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date!”


Oh, my goodness, gracious how could I have forgotten that I DON’T HAVE A THERAPIST!

Om, Om, Om,

Child defused from feeling at fault for not wanting to listen to the singing… along with being scared, and confused!

Red lights flashing! Situation averted….STAND DOWN!

Om, Om, Om,

Ebb and Flow! Ebb and Flow!

“Just keep swimming!” “Just keep swimming!”

Donna Faye, CDP




Mother’s Day brings back so many memories and I guess my dysfunctional roots will always be with me and on some days they come to visit and as I and my memories stroll down memory lane… I laugh to myself at the craziness of it all.

My first clear memory of mother’s day was when I was about six years-old and my older brother, Marion, intentionally got into a horrible argument with my mother.

All Marion would have to say to mom to set her off were, “You’re an awful mother, and an awful cook!”

And it was ON!

They were locked in serious combat! “You, YOU are the most ungrateful, unappreciative, unthankful child!” “If you could cook a decent bowl of oat mill I wouldn’t have to eat at grandma’s all the time!”

Bull’s eye, Marion stuck gold because if there was ever one thing in this world not to say to mom… it would be to pay a compliment to her mimesis who happened to be my paternal grandmother!

Among the Holy Grille of things not to say! My grandmother would be at the top of the list! (That’s another story that transcends mother’s day!)

When the argument between mom and Marion escalated into hysterical crying and slamming kitchen cabinets… my dad who was in the background directing this mean-spirited drama that was playing out… would suddenly appear from out of nowhere and surprised mom with a brand new dress and necklace that he had bought her for “mother’s day!”

The one’s that were in on the mother’s day mayhem shouted “Happy Mother’s Day” but for the rest of us who did not have a clue what was going on said, “happy mothers day?”

Marion always said he wanted to be an actor and I will have to say he played his part to perfection!

One thing that has always amazed me is how my mother could go from being furious to, “oh, you shouldn’t have!” Her anger was gone! Poof! Gone like magic! No more tears!

“Oh, Kenneth” thank you!” “Why you had Marion to make me mad JUST to surprise me!”

Mom clutched her new dress to her bosoms, and off she ran to carefully applied her makeup, and then the fitting of her new dress followed by compliments on how she looked all day long!

However, my nerve-wracking mother’s day experience did not go poof!

When the next year’s mother’s day rolled around I had a plan in place to derail the arguments that I was so sure would happen.

One of my dear sweet aunts gave me brand new dish towels to give mom on mother’s day.

I conned my grandmother into making me a banana pudding without letting her know it was for mom. However, Marion picked up the banana pudding and if there is one thing that Marion loved it was grandma’s banana pudding.

So, while walking home with the banana pudding Marion decided to SPIT all over the pudding so that it would gross everybody out and he would have the sweet dessert all to himself! “GOOD GRIEF!”

As mother’s day rolled around I got up bright and early to make sure mom got my gifts, minus the banana pudding to overthrow an anticipated arguments because less face it what mom would not love a set of dish towels for mother’s day!

I was so smug in my confidence that I had outwitted the disaster about to befall my mother because she would instantly fall in love with my dish towels!

Visualize, my disappointment, when my desperate attempts to make mom the happiest mom in the world failed because what I failed to figure in the equation is that fighting had become a family tradition!

I left home on that day and visited with the aunt that gave me the dish towels until another memorable mother’s day passed.

As time went by the important of mothers day died a natural death until all my siblings were grown adults, became parents and understood things that immature minds could not figure out at the time.

Once I married. I really never thought about or respected the sanction of mother’s day until I became a mother myself. However, I still never bought into the commercial hype because it all seemed senseless to me.

Some of my sweetest memories are when my three kids would get up early to make breakfast for me.

I could hear them creeping up the stairs and I would pretend to be asleep when then burst into the bedroom with my breakfast sitting precariously on a tray!

I would look at them in surprise and it warmed my heart to see their little chests puffed out with pride and their eyes huge as half dollars as they would yell, “Happy Mother’s Day Mom!”

Bill would snuggle up beside me and we both enjoyed our children as I ate every bite of my breakfast!

When Ben was 8 years-old he made me a mother’s day card that said, “I love you little, I love you big, I love you like a big ol fat pig!” The card was complete with a picture of a pig covered in mud! AWSOME!

Now, I ask you, can you find that kind of love and devotions in a Hallmark Card ? I think not!

There were also some funny mother’s day gifts from the love of my life, Bill, such as, a mixer, and a Teflon skillet.

On one particular mother’s day- eve, I had some friends visiting and Bill was showing off the Teflon skillet he had bought for me for mother’s day and he asked one of the women that was visiting… what she thought of the big skillet?

She took the skillet out of Bill’s hand…looked it over and then sad, “Well, it’s certainly large enough to crack you over the head with it if you ever bought me something like this for mother’s day!”

The poor woman was serious but I was laughing hysterically because of the look on Bill’s face was priceless! “But, but, it’s Teflon?!”

I have never put much importance in buying me gifts on mother’s day because I already had/have what I wanted in life.

To borrow a quote from Ben, “I love my children little, I love my children big, I love my children like a big ol fat pig!”

I am devoted to my husband, children, and the Graham’s Fabulous Five (grandchildren)!

Who needs more than that!

But… let this serve as a warning to my sweet family…if you ever decided to make me furious then give me a beautiful dress, and yell suprise!

The best advice I can give you is to RUN and then never EVER complain when you see my beautiful dress cut up into neat little strips of cloth to be used as dust rags!

Just saying!

Donna Faye, CDP

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