Tag Archive: grandchildren


Slightly Frazzled

kids fighting

It starts out as a low whine and by increments it steadily progresses to a high-pitched shriek “I’m Gona tell GRANDMA!”

Next I hear feet running across the floor as the siren shrieks to search out where grandma is hiding!

“Grandma, Lee, he, put his butt in my face! He told me he was going to fart in my face!

Lee, yells from his bedroom, “I did not! You, you’re just trying to get me in trouble JOSIE!”

Am not
Are too
Am not
Are too

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, what special misery awaits me today?

I am not even out of bed yet!

There is nothing like waking up in the morning to kids circling my bed screaming over the top of me wanting me to intervene to punish one of the offenders so the other can privately gloat which sets off another string of complaints against the other.

I clamp my pillow over my head to try to muffle out the rivalry between the two beloved children but their thirst for justice will not be abated.

I debate if I should keep my head buried under the pillow until they leave but upon peeking out from under the pillow I see very determined eye balls looking at me so that is not really an option.

Hmm, which one do I throw to the curb so that temporary peace will be restored? Both are guilty of breaking the sound barrier! The assault on my ears should be a felony!

This situation calls for the standard response. It starts out as a low whine and by increments it steadily progresses to a high-pitched shriek “If you can’t get along SEPARATE NOW!”

I am seriously thinking about installing loud speakers in the house that will play the same recording every time a fight breaks…a very loud, annoying sound like fingernails slowly racking across a chalkboard!

Slightly Frazzled,

Donna Faye, CDP

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The Dueling Siblings

http://www.guardian.co.uk

kids fighting

Lee and Josie, God could not have created two different siblings!

They love to antagonize one another and then try to outwit each other in explaining to me why they were screaming at each other!

Lee just called me a terrorist!

Yea, huh, well, Josie called me an extremist!

Terrorist! Extremist!

Grandma quickly grabs the Webster’s Dictionary to look up the definitions!

Is there a children’s version of Webster’s?

My goodness! They are only 10 and 7 years-old!

Webster’s was no help so…

I asked Josie what is an extremist?

Her reply was, “somebody that can’t keep their big mouth shut! All they do is talk, talk, talk… drives me nuts!”

I couldn’t wait to hear what terrorist meant!

“A terrorist is somebody that calls you names, who run their big mouths all the time, and WHO talks a lot more than I do!”

Who knew that terrorist and extremist pretty much meant the same things!

In the words of Lee and Josie terrorist and extremist are:

You shut up!

No you shut up!

You shut up first!

No you shut up

You big mouth!

I am not a big mouth!

GRANDMA! Lee is calling me names!

GRANDMA! Am not!

On and on they go and while they dramatically debate who should shut up first or who called who names!

Grandma is very calmly chanting!

Om, Om, Om, I am free as a cloud floating in the sky!

Om, Om, I am floating over my happy trees!

Om, Om, Om, Om, I’m a happy bird, flying in my happy clouds, perching on my happy trees!

My inner voice is soothingly reminding me that I am a Calmly Dysfunctional Professional…relax… ever so peacefully release cleansing breath….relaxing.

ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT WHERE IS MY VALIUM!

Chip Off The Old Block

Maggie 12

Phone rang about one in the morning. Bill answered the phone and for the next five minutes Bill is saying, “Who is this? Hello? Who is this? Is something wrong?”

Bill has the most concerned look on his face as he handed the phone to me. However, my concern quickly faded as I heard two devilish little teenagers giggling and laughing!

It was my beautiful granddaughter, Maggie, and her friend Katy picking on her poor grandpa!  I don’t know what Maggie was saying to her grandpa but she really had him going!

Maggie could hardly talk to me because she was laughing so hard.

Brought tears to my eyes because she is so much like her grandfather!  He likes to call people at one in the morning too!

Beware of the morning pranksters!

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