Tag Archive: grandma


Grandpa and A Rubber Snake

My father and I shared one thing in common when he was alive.

He was terrified of snakes!

When my daughter, Jessica, was a young child she spent the night with her grandpa and grandma.

She had a rubber snake that she was playing with and when the little devil heard grandpa say that he was going to mow the yard. She sneaked outside and draped the rubber snake on the back rest onto the seat!

Jessica silently watched as her grandpa walked toward the lawn mower and when he step upon the mower he blasted into the air as if he had rockets attached to his feet and was “Screaming like a little girl!”

Jessica was dying of laugher as she watched her grandpa come unglued in the front yard and when he discovered that it was a rubber snake he knew that somebody wanted to send a charge of 2000 volts of electricity through his body!

My father blamed my mother for putting the snake on the lawn mower and Jessica sure wasn’t going to tell on herself especially after watching her grandpa convulsing and shouting in the front yard!

Mom tried to reassure dad but it was too late because the laughter demons were out of the cage! It was full-fledged doubled over side-splitting laughter!

Yep, they were over the moon and the more mom and Jessica laughed the madder dad got!

My mother kept Jessica’s secret because she knew that between the two of them it had to be Jessica that scared the life out of her grandfather!

They say that “laughter is the best medicine” and if that is true dad’s antics that day added ten years to their lives!

Donna Faye, CDP

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The Dueling Siblings

http://www.guardian.co.uk

kids fighting

Lee and Josie, God could not have created two different siblings!

They love to antagonize one another and then try to outwit each other in explaining to me why they were screaming at each other!

Lee just called me a terrorist!

Yea, huh, well, Josie called me an extremist!

Terrorist! Extremist!

Grandma quickly grabs the Webster’s Dictionary to look up the definitions!

Is there a children’s version of Webster’s?

My goodness! They are only 10 and 7 years-old!

Webster’s was no help so…

I asked Josie what is an extremist?

Her reply was, “somebody that can’t keep their big mouth shut! All they do is talk, talk, talk… drives me nuts!”

I couldn’t wait to hear what terrorist meant!

“A terrorist is somebody that calls you names, who run their big mouths all the time, and WHO talks a lot more than I do!”

Who knew that terrorist and extremist pretty much meant the same things!

In the words of Lee and Josie terrorist and extremist are:

You shut up!

No you shut up!

You shut up first!

No you shut up

You big mouth!

I am not a big mouth!

GRANDMA! Lee is calling me names!

GRANDMA! Am not!

On and on they go and while they dramatically debate who should shut up first or who called who names!

Grandma is very calmly chanting!

Om, Om, Om, I am free as a cloud floating in the sky!

Om, Om, I am floating over my happy trees!

Om, Om, Om, Om, I’m a happy bird, flying in my happy clouds, perching on my happy trees!

My inner voice is soothingly reminding me that I am a Calmly Dysfunctional Professional…relax… ever so peacefully release cleansing breath….relaxing.

ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT WHERE IS MY VALIUM!

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