Tag Archive: humor


What is in a Word

josie 2

While brushing Josie’s hair today that was a tangled mess. I was discussing with her the value of bruising her hair everyday so it wouldn’t get so tangled.

Josie pipes up and says in a very offended voice, “Grandma you are being raciest!”

I got tickled and I asked Josie if she knew what raciest means?

Josie told me that raciest means you are making fun of somebody’s culture.

I praised Josie for understanding what raciest meant and then I asked her how me talking about combing her hair would be raciest since her hair would be a style not a culture.

Without missing a lick Josie says, “Aw grandma what is in a word!”

Yes indeed what is in a word. I think it is time to teach Josie a new word called…discrimination!

HELP!

Donna Faye, CDP

Grandpa and A Rubber Snake

My father and I shared one thing in common when he was alive.

He was terrified of snakes!

When my daughter, Jessica, was a young child she spent the night with her grandpa and grandma.

She had a rubber snake that she was playing with and when the little devil heard grandpa say that he was going to mow the yard. She sneaked outside and draped the rubber snake on the back rest onto the seat!

Jessica silently watched as her grandpa walked toward the lawn mower and when he step upon the mower he blasted into the air as if he had rockets attached to his feet and was “Screaming like a little girl!”

Jessica was dying of laugher as she watched her grandpa come unglued in the front yard and when he discovered that it was a rubber snake he knew that somebody wanted to send a charge of 2000 volts of electricity through his body!

My father blamed my mother for putting the snake on the lawn mower and Jessica sure wasn’t going to tell on herself especially after watching her grandpa convulsing and shouting in the front yard!

Mom tried to reassure dad but it was too late because the laughter demons were out of the cage! It was full-fledged doubled over side-splitting laughter!

Yep, they were over the moon and the more mom and Jessica laughed the madder dad got!

My mother kept Jessica’s secret because she knew that between the two of them it had to be Jessica that scared the life out of her grandfather!

They say that “laughter is the best medicine” and if that is true dad’s antics that day added ten years to their lives!

Donna Faye, CDP

The Dueling Siblings

http://www.guardian.co.uk

kids fighting

Lee and Josie, God could not have created two different siblings!

They love to antagonize one another and then try to outwit each other in explaining to me why they were screaming at each other!

Lee just called me a terrorist!

Yea, huh, well, Josie called me an extremist!

Terrorist! Extremist!

Grandma quickly grabs the Webster’s Dictionary to look up the definitions!

Is there a children’s version of Webster’s?

My goodness! They are only 10 and 7 years-old!

Webster’s was no help so…

I asked Josie what is an extremist?

Her reply was, “somebody that can’t keep their big mouth shut! All they do is talk, talk, talk… drives me nuts!”

I couldn’t wait to hear what terrorist meant!

“A terrorist is somebody that calls you names, who run their big mouths all the time, and WHO talks a lot more than I do!”

Who knew that terrorist and extremist pretty much meant the same things!

In the words of Lee and Josie terrorist and extremist are:

You shut up!

No you shut up!

You shut up first!

No you shut up

You big mouth!

I am not a big mouth!

GRANDMA! Lee is calling me names!

GRANDMA! Am not!

On and on they go and while they dramatically debate who should shut up first or who called who names!

Grandma is very calmly chanting!

Om, Om, Om, I am free as a cloud floating in the sky!

Om, Om, I am floating over my happy trees!

Om, Om, Om, Om, I’m a happy bird, flying in my happy clouds, perching on my happy trees!

My inner voice is soothingly reminding me that I am a Calmly Dysfunctional Professional…relax… ever so peacefully release cleansing breath….relaxing.

ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT WHERE IS MY VALIUM!

Spell Binding Articles

My father was an avid reader! There was many a mornings that I would get up for school and he would have been up all night reading a book.

Dad liked to read magazines as well and one particular magazine that comes to mind was Playboy Magazine!

Now according to dad, Playboy had its finger on the pulse of the nation (which I am sure was about 50 beats per second higher) and that Hugh Hefner was a visionary man who was ahead of his time.

My father was a fierce defender of reading Playboy for the “articles!” Why it was a personal affront to his character to even suggest that he looked at the nude pictures!

He was a very intellectual man and in his opinion the magazine was spot-on with the politics of the nation.

Well, at least, that was his story, and he stuck to it when my then 5 year-old son, Josh, and my 9-year-old nephew, Aaron, found dad’s stack of Playboy magazines and with eyes popping out of their heads raced to show their grandma their discovery!

Now when mom got riled she could talk about the same subject for days, months, and years!

Although dad never said; I have a feeling that by the time mom ran out of steam preaching about the sins of Playboy… dad probably wished that he had never heard of the magazine or Hugh Hefner!

Hell hath no fury like a wife who has just discovered through her grandson’s that her husband had a stash of Playboy Bunnies that had very interesting “articles” to read!

Donna Faye, CDP

Think Think Think

http://photobucket.com/images/winnie%20the%20pooh/?page=1″
bth_jeyore4[1]

For the past few days I have had a migraine headache.

Despite my headache I have wanted to write, however, when I opened the computer screen to write all I could do is stare at the screen and wait for divine inspiration!

Absolutely nothing! Zero, nil, zilch as I impatiently drummed my fingers on the keyboard waiting for inspiration which never came!

I found myself reminiscing about Eeyore and how he must have felt losing his tail all the time…because I seemed to have misplaced my brain.

Well, I can’t say I have misplaced my brain when I feel the throbbing pain!

I have misplaced my thoughts! Yes! that’s It! I am thoughtless! But unlike Eeyore who has friends in the 100 Acre Forest to help him find his tail…my thoughts or I should say my absences of thoughts are a swirling vortex of nothingness keeping perfect rhythm to the tom-tom’s pounding inside my head!

As Eeyore would say, “It’s not much of a tail, but I’m sort of attached to it.”

I really do miss my thoughts when they go on vacation without me!

I can definitely relate to Eeyore as he, “stood by himself in a thistly corner of the Forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, “Why?” and sometimes he thought, “Wherefore?” and sometimes he thought, “Inasmuch as which?” and sometimes he didn’t quite know what he was thinking about.”

Yep, this is definitely me! Dare I venture to guess in my delirious migraine condition – that Eeyore is my kindred spirit!

“Oh, Bother Think, think, think…” where did my thoughts go?

With the help of Eeyore I have managed to write about absolutely nothing!

Donna Faye, CDP

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